November means December is next

I've come to realize that I'm probably the only person in the world -- or at least on this campus -- who is not welcoming the coming holiday season with open arms. I mean, finals are just a downer. But I do have other, bigger concerns. I wrote down most of what I wanted to say, but I think I'll add stuff here and there. I'll warn you now, though, this is probably going to be a long post.

Even though I'd like to be free from school for a few weeks, I really don't want December to be here. There are two reasons why this is. 1) I'm going to have surgery in December. A lovely bone extraction. For some reason, I got an extra bone when the genes split, and it's causing nerve and blood vessel problems, and could lead to more serious conditions, so I have to have it removed. It should be exciting lying in bed all day staring at the freshly painted walls in my room. Anyway...

2) December means I have only one semester left to spend with Adam. And while I know that May has to have its shinning moment like every other month, I'd rather stay here in November. It depresses me more than anything. I love him and I want to be able to spend more time with him than what we have left in this school year. Perhaps it's selfish, but I don't know what things will be like without him around all the time. I see him every day -- actually, I practically live with him -- and I'm afraid of having to do without that. Things are so good with us right now and I just want it to last as long as possible.

Yes, the time apart will probably be good for the both of us, but why now? Today he was talking to me and I called him crazy and he responded with, "Crazy about you." It made me really happy. Kind of indescribably happy.

I wish we were older and didn't have to spend at least one year apart because of school. Either that, or I wish I were graduating with him.

I want him to miss me, though. I want him to take all that time apart and realize what I mean to him. I know I love him. I know he loves me. I want to keep that going strong.

I don't even know how he feels about the coming separation, though. He talks about it with such ease to everyone else, but I wonder if that is masking something that he isn't telling. Should I ask him about it? I think if I did, it may dampen the good vibes we've had.

I really wish he'd give me what I want: a confession of his love and a promise that it won't end. Somehow I doubt I'll ever get that from him. But I can keep dreaming.

And maybe I am being a bit melodramatic, but I can't help it. I get into that hopeless romantic mood whenever I write about it. Hell, I do that even when I'm just thinking about it. I thrive on that wishful thinking.

Anyway, I'm sure I've probably bored any readers to tears by now, so I'll end this little post.

Until next time...